My dating disasters diary read online jesse metcalfe dating nadine coyle
To quote Cardi B, “right hand to Jesus,” this is not at all what I set out to do.
You see, I recently turned my whole life upside down with a move back home to the Caribbean — Trinidad to be exact — after an almost decade-long stint in South Florida.
I admit, in a dating rut, I’ve fallen into the same mindless rhythm of swiping right on literally everyone, which is why I kept a dating app diary for a week to track my actual progress. It was exhausting and, at times, excruciatingly boring.
Not because of my matches or anything (they were all a hoot, you’ll see) but because I made a routine of my swiping — a real, nightly obligation— that sucked a lot of the fun and spontaneity out of the online dating experience.
Sure, I stuck to my rigid rules about having an interesting bio, swiping a hard left on the guy with the emoji bio that read, “laptop, guitar, sushi, video game console, plane, mountain view, headphones, car, shaka.” But I also noticed another trend that, admittedly, is not unique to TT — the one-photo, no-bio profile.
More than 15 percent of the profiles I came across were what I’m now dubbing fake-outs, which doesn’t seem like a lot but is still statistically significant enough to warrant its own rant.
If you do this, know that what you are essentially doing is eavesdropping on the people who’ve decided to include any details about themselves at all.
The first included one line, “Assistant [to the] regional manager,” which is a nod to Dwight Schrute on ’s dry humor (like I do).These are the hunter-gatherer types whose profile photos showcase enormous, fish that rival them in both height and weight.The second reason I find this impressive is because iguanas are actually a delicacy here in Trinidad, so they tend not to live that long among people, if you know what I mean — much like the Florida fish in that regard.I’ve talked about the importance of a unique Tinder bio before.I’ve even taken the time to write seasonal Tinder bios in the past. After the first photo, I immediately scroll to someone’s bio to get to know a little about them. Their favorite food (pizza if they’re ~quirky and relatable~). Maybe it’s all BS, maybe they’ve included a funny limerick. I mean, why else wouldn’t you use every opportunity you have to present the best version of yourself on an online forum designed to connect you with new people? I regret to inform you that 12 bachelors did not receive roses on this day and that I slashed my sample size by 50 percent because hello, Day 1 was a downer.
Until now, I’d never adult-ed on the island I grew up on, which also means I never really dated here. I guess what I’m trying to say is, now that I’m back home, I feel more lost than ever. But like, I am lost all the time because I’ve never really driven here before and, trust me, Google Maps is having a harder time than I am. Let me explain how this happened,” I retort smugly.